Am I insane?

Sometimes I wonder if I am insane. I wonder how I can do the things I have done. There have been some choices I have made, knowing that they are wrong. If I know it is bad, and very much has the potential to hurt me, why do I do those things?

There have been some days where I have beaten myself up quite severely because of my foolishness and selfishness. When I look back at the choices I have made, I shake my head and question who I really am. I believe I am a Christian. I want to do what is right. I know the difference between right and wrong. And yet, there have been times I have been at those proverbial crossroads, and have chose the wrong thing. Maybe some how I justify it in my mind, or my emotions fool me into thinking that it is right, but in the end, I still know it is wrong. This becomes especially obvious to me in hindsight.

Imagine my relief when I read Romans 7:14-25. Why? Because Paul talks about this very dilemma! I can't imagine Paul grappling with these issues, especially after his conversion, but there it is, right there in the Bible.

In verse 19 he sums it up very nicely, "For the good I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want." I know exactly how that feels! Fortunately, Paul explains why that happens.

He talks about how there are two natures fighting within us, and that is why we struggle. There is our human nature and our spiritual nature. Our human nature is self-serving and just plain no good. Our spiritual nature, when we are believers in Christ, is at war with our human nature. We have to have our human natures because we have been born into this world. It just comes with the territory. But, when we have been adopted into God's family, then our spiritual nature pulls us in a new God-serving direction and then we find ourselves engaged in a war within. The two natures are just not compatible because of the focus each nature represents.

So how do we fight for the good and resist the bad? Only through believing in Jesus and what He did for us. We have to focus on that, and let His Spirit guide our spirit. As Jesus increases in our lives, our spirit clings to His, and then we are able to serve God through our choices and ultimately, our lives. Just remember, it is a constant fight, for now.

I recently read a book titled, The Noticer by Andy Andrews. It is a great book and an easy read. I strongly recommend it. The reason I bring it up is because of one line in it that caught my attention.

"Whatever you focus on increases."

How true and applicable!! Focus on your human nature and it's desires and evil wins, but focus on Christ and you win!