One Woman's Prayer

Dear Heavenly Father,
I read 2 Timothy 3:6-7, and I became fearful. I worry that I am one of those weak minded women who learn, but never come to the knowledge of truth because of my sins! Oh Lord, please do not let this be my fate! Fill me with your precious Holy Spirit, that I may know the Truth intimately! Lord God, please do not let my previous sins guilt me down until I am blind and deaf to Your Word. Please always let me hear, see and know Your Truth so I will not be lead away. God, have mercy on me! God, be true to me and save me from my enemies. Do not let me fall into the hands of the devil or his workers. Protect me! Save me! Forgive me! Cleanse me!

Jesus please empty my heart of all the clutter of uncleanliness. Please free me from the disgusting conditions of my heart. Please live there and reign in my heart. My dear Jesus, You are my Lord and my Savior. You have delivered me from my sins. I pray that You will be faithful to me, and deliver me from my temptations, addictions, and pain. Jesus, I am a mess inside, but I believe You can heal me. I am sorry you are coming into my heart and it is in such disrepair. I haven't taken care of it. I have built up such trash in there. It weighs me down. It depresses me.

Jesus, please help me not to be a weak minded woman who never understands the truth. Fan the flames of my faith, that it may become a roaring fire, so that I will burn with devotion to You, and You alone. Give me your strength to stand up for You, even in the face of rejection. I want to be Your disciple, faithful until the end. I long to be in Your family and be loyal to You as I am with my earthly family. I desire our bond to be that intense that I will not loose sight of You or my relationship with You.

Thank You for being ever faithful to me, dear Father, and loving me with a love I cannot fathom. You have taken care of me and provided for me in ways I am not even aware. When I am blind, You are leading me. Thank You for Your kindnesses and mercy. Thank You for withholding from me what I do deserve, and blessing me with those things I do not. I can trust You.

In the Name of Jesus Christ,
My Lord and Savior,
I pray,
Amen

My Psalm of What

I Thessalonians 5:23-24: "Now may the God of peace Himself sanctify you entirely; and may your spirit and soul and body be preserved complete, without blame at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. Faithful is He who calls you, and He also will bring it to pass."

Dear Heavenly Father,

What is it that You are bringing about in my life? I do not know. And how many times have I thwarted Your desires for my life because of my sin? How many blessings have I denied myself because of my willfulness? What would my life look like if I didn't have this albatross hanging around my neck?

What is sad is that I will never know as long as I am on this earth. Maybe You will show me what Your plans for my life were had I not taken these detours. Maybe that is what a part of Judgement will be, that is, seeing all the blessings that might have been had I not bee so foolish. How could I not grieve my sins in light of seeing what Your perfect plan was for my life?

What I wonder is, in the end, will the outcome of my life still be the same? That despite my sin, despite the detours I have made, will I end up right where You have wanted me all along? Or, because I have stepped off the path You had for me, will my life story end differently than what You intended for me? Are there various options for the outcome of my life, all that will fit into Your plan for me despite my ignorance?

What I find is that You, O Lord, my God, are so amazing because You know the answers to these questions. I praise You for Your Almighty wisdom. I am humbled as I contemplate all these things. I long to know Your will for my life, and I pray for Your strength and wisdom. Lord God, I am grateful for Your promises, and that You will do as You say. I cling to You, Your grace, Your mercy, and ask You to forgive me. Forgive me for my willfulness and my pride. Forgive me for walking off-course in my foolishness. Have mercy on me, and lead me, be my Shepherd, because I am weak and do not know what is best for me.

In the Name of Jesus Christ,
My Lord and Savior, I pray,
Amen

My Angry, Old-Self Boot Problem

Today I found myself in Colossians. Again, I found myself struggling with what I read. On one hand, this struggling thing drives me crazy, but on the other hand, I am thankful because it shows me that my heart is not so hard that I don't care.

Colossians 3 is about "Putting on the New-Self". In verses 5-9 it outlines what the old-self entails, and that as believers we should consider ourselves dead to those beliefs and behaviors. I found myself cringing as I reflected on myself in response to the list of old self attributes.

For example, in verse 5, Paul cites "greed". Now I would like to consider myself not particularly greedy, however, I immediately felt guilty of this because of my penchant for boots. Yes, you read correctly, I have a problem when it comes to boots. I see them, I want them, and then I feel an uncontrollable need to have them. Forget that I already have 10 pair nestled lovingly in my closet! So, when I saw greed in that list of things I am to be dead to, my heart screamed, "Oh no! Not the boots too!"

And then, in verse 8, Paul talks about putting aside anger among other things. Uh oh...anger? That's going to be a problem. Sometimes I get so angry I could spit!! For me, anger is a safe emotion. It's so much easier to manage than fear, hurt, anxiety, or disappointment. Without anger, I am going to have to face those other messier emotions!

As I read further, Paul talks about "Putting on the new-self". Doesn't that sound easy? Kind of like taking off an old, ratty coat and putting on a brand new one. For me, it just doesn't seem that simple. Trust me, I want it to be. Verses 12-14 talks about all the wonderful accessories that come with that new coat, I mean new-self! Things like compassion, humility, and patience to name a few. Who wouldn't want those? So what is the glitch?

When it comes right now to it, I find that one of my biggest hurdles to that new- self is a lack of self-control. Really, I can control my greed for boots by controlling the impulse to buy them. I can control my anger by making myself view things differently, maybe even more realistically. I can put on my new-self by controlling and ultimately killing my old-self impulses. Not easy, but it can be done!

What I learned today, and have been learning over the last couple of months is that on a very personal level, I need to increase my self-control with the help of God. Fortunately for me, God desires to help me. In 2 Peter 2:9a, it states quite plainly that the Lord knows how to rescue the godly from temptation. In addition, even Jesus, when He was teaching His disciples to pray, shows us that we should pray to be lead away from temptation and to be delivered from evil (Matthew 6:13).

So, with God on my side, I pray that I will be able to resist the new fall fashion line of boots and not get angry as I walk away from them with my new sense of self-control, thus, bringing me one step closer to putting on my new-self in my perfectly fine, old boots.

God's Provision

I don't know about you, but this economy crisis really scares me. I find myself worrying more about money than ever. In response to that, I am trying to find ways to cut expenses, and have even started looking for a part-time job.

This economic crisis seems to be affecting everything, and as I look around, even in my own neighborhood, I can see the devastating affects of it. About a month ago, a little car dealership that has been in business for what seems like forever, closed. Down the street, the coffee shop that became a community hub also closed. The owner left a wonderful note in the shop window thanking all her loyal customers for a wonderful 3 years, and it made me sad.

Today, when I started my quiet time with God, I lifted up my fears to Him. I let Him know that I am scared. I let Him know that this year is going to be hard because I don't know what is happening with my salary and my benefits at my job. I told Him about all the sad things that are happening around me and in the world because of the crisis. Not surprisingly, He heard me, like He always hears, and today, the passage I read was right on the money (no pun intended!)

In Philippians 4:11-13, Paul talks about how he has learned to be content in whatever circumstances he finds himself in. When I read that, I thought to myself, what a blessing to feel content no matter what is going on in life!!! I have to learn that too! Of course my next thought was, how?

In verse 12, Paul gives you a clue that in verse 13, he is going to tell you his "secret". Of course I want to know the secret! So I read on. And then, there it was, verse 13: "I can do all things through Him who strengthens me."

Okay, that wasn't the secret I was expecting. I was hoping for something more direct to tell me what to do to feel content! I am not trying to minimize what Paul says, and there is much wisdom in verse 13. I guess I was looking for some sort of magic potion or something, but that's not the way it works, is it?

The bottom line is that whatever our circumstances, we can be assured that God will give us the strength to bear it. In that strength, we can manage the places we find ourselves in. I suppose it is that strength, that self-control, that helps us find resolution and contentment in the situations we find ourselves in. We can choose God's strength and provision even if it's not what we envisioned, and be thankful. Not easy, but if we accept that we are where we are, that God has allowed it, and that He will give us what we need to manage, then we can rest assured that we are right where we need to be.

More Faith, Please

In Philippians 3, Paul talks about his whole-hearted commitment to Christ. I am amazed at the strength of his words as he describes the value he has regarding his relationship with Christ. The depth of his faith and the devotion he has to the Gospel is phenomenal, and his undying submission to all that encompasses is beyond impressive.

Paul talks about loosing everything that he used to value in order to appreciate the unmeasured value of Christ Jesus. He recognizes that what he has gained through the change in his focus is righteousness, an unbreakable connection to Christ, and ultimately eternal life. He proclaims that the suffering and hard work that he goes through is worth it because it only draws him closer to his goal, that is to be with Christ in glory.

When I read these words I have mixed feelings. On one hand, I get excited to hear the promises of Christ as Paul explains them. To be so absorbed in my faith that I do not worry about the things in this life sounds wonderful. I long to have his passion for Christ and to believe so thoroughly that Christ is the center of everything in my life.

On the other hand, I struggle with what Paul says in this passage because I am not at that level. I worry about all sorts of things, like, money, my family, my friends, the weather, and my job to name a few. So many times, those things overshadow my connection to Christ. It's like as my anxieties increase, my faith decreases!

I don't know how to get this level of faith. How does one believe so completely that all other things are second to one's faith? I don't really have an answer to that question other than the standard answers: pray, read my Bible, go to church, etc.

What this passage does do is makes me ponder where my faith falls within my priorities. In addition it makes me long for that level of commitment. So, although I don't have a direct answer as to how to strengthen my faith per se, I think I will praise God for provoking me to desire a stronger, more complete faith.

I will add that a little further into the book of Philippians I found hope and comfort to this dilemma. In Phillippians 4:6, the Bible does give some direction. I am told to "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving, let your requests be known to God." I think I will go with that, and ask God to increase my faith. How about you?

Keep in Mind

Nowadays, there is so much going on in the world that is troubling for me and I suppose many others. We are watching our government try to micro-manage the country and ultimately the citizens of the United States. We see the oppression of Christians through reverse discrimination as we see every other religion and public venue being allowed to tout their opinions, but Christians are not. We are watching prayer be removed from public society little by little. The very values our nation was built on are now being ruled out by the bills we witness Congress passing. Our educational system is bottoming out, no matter how much money the government throws at it. The divorce rate is at it's highest ever, and the traditional family no longer exists. Children aren't being raised by their parents, but are being raised by the schools they attend. Babies are being killed because of irresponsible individuals who sacrifice them on the altar of selfishness. War seems to be on the horizon. Every day we hear about another country that is angry and is ready to take action to incite some kind of confrontation. We see so much violence, pain, suffering, and fear in the world today. All you have to do is turn on the news to know all of this.

And in response to all that makes us angry and disillusioned, we find ourselves pointing fingers at somebody, anybody. Sometimes it's individuals, or political groups, or at the world's leaders, or as a last resort, the wealthy. It is so easy to find a scapegoat and complain that he/she/they is/are the reason for all the woes in a specific domain. It is so easy to direct our accusations at them because of what we observe them doing and what we speculate they are scheming. Take, for example, Obama. We see Obama making all these decisions that seem in direct opposition to what the majority wants, and it is easy to say, "He's an idiot!", "He's ruining the United States!", or "He's trying to make us a communist country!" In many cases, these may be true accusations. However, today, I encourage you to see him and others like him as just mere pawns in a huge conspiracy that is taking place and has been for centuries.

In Ephesians 6:12, Paul encourages the Ephesians to remember that we do not fight against flesh and blood, but against the evil forces of darkness. Like the Ephesians, we have to keep in mind that the world is a stage for the powers of good and evil. That is, God vs. Satan. God is on a mission to save us, and Satan is on a mission to destroy us. Just as God uses people to spread the gospel, Satan also uses people to destroy.

The reason I am highlighting this fact is that if we are to fight back, our number one strategy must be prayer. We have to remember that there are supernatural forces at work, and that supernatural weapons are needed to do battle. We need to recognize that the people that are being used in this war are just the surface of the problem. If we want to treat the corruption, we must fight the source of the problem and not just the observable issues that come from that source.

It would be like looking at a piece of fruit that has a rotten spot, and only treating that spot even though the rot has been caused by a worm inside the fruit. We can cut out the rotten spot, but as long as the worm has free reign in the fruit, the fruit will still eventually spoil. Our efforts, although good intentioned, will be fruitless. We have to destroy the worm if we are going to salvage what we want, that is, the fruit.

So, what I am advocating here today, is that while you may write your politicians, hold gatherings to get people more aware of today's issues, write the newspaper, and send chain e-mails about the ills of the world, remember that your first line of defense HAS to be prayer if we are going to be truly effective in our cause.

Submission to one another

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. It's been a little crazy in my life, and that coupled with not being lead by the Spirit, it can be difficult to write.

However, today, I was reading Ephesians. The verse that caught my attention was in Ephesians 5:21. It reads, "and be subject to one another in the fear of Christ." I know you may not know me personally, but trust me, if you did, you would know this is a difficult idea for me to digest. I come from a family that is used to being heard and acknowledged, and the thought of me being subject to anyone if hard for me to swallow. I like to be in control. I like to make my own decisions. I don't like being impacted by the decisions made by others. I don't want to have to worry about how my choices impact others. Now, that doesn't mean that I don't care what others have to say or think. It's just that I would prefer if they would see things my way!!

As I got to thinking what this verse really means, it really has a lot of implications. The idea of subjection to others can be applied to any kind of relationship we have with others. Our spouses, our family, our friends, our coworkers, our bosses...you name it, we can apply this principle. I don't think it means letting others walk all over you, but I do believe that it means living in harmony as much as possible with others in your life.

If you go back a couple of verses, in verse 18, Paul talks about being in the Spirit. I believe that this is the foundation for what we are asked to do in verse 21. We must rely on the Spirit in order to live in harmony with others, because our basic nature is selfish. The Spirit allows us to be aware of the needs of others, thus allowing us to take that into consideration when we are making decisions or developing opinions about certain things or situations.

Think about it. If two people in a relationship are both being submissive to one another, then they are both thinking about the other before themselves. If both parties are thinking of the other, then the needs of both are more easily met. I believe that when we are in relationships where we feel the other thinks of our needs as their own, we feel more secure, as do they. We don't have to worry about being taken advantage of. We don't have to worry about the other person neglecting us. And because both parties have the Spirit, then the values are the same, and there is less room for dissent because both people in the relationship respect the same ideals.

I think that was one of the reasons that Paul talks about not being unequally yoked in relationships in 2 Corinthians 6:14. If we are linked together with an unbeliever, how can we expect this principle of subjection to work properly? If one person is submissive, but the other isn't, how can either feel secure in the relationship? The one knows the other isn't thinking of his/her best interest, and the other assumes the same of the believer. It causes a great sense of distrust between the two. As a result, communication breaks down, and the relationship suffers.

But what to do when we are in a relationship with an unbeliever? For instance, many of us work for unbelievers. In those circumstances, we should still follow the same principle, but rely heavily on the Spirit for direction. We are still held accountable to live in harmony with them to the best of our ability. We also have the assurance of our Father that despite the schemes of those that do not believe, that we will over come the world through our faith (if we are born of God (I John 1:4).

Sometimes it is hard to see that, because we see unbelievers prosper and take advantage of others. However, remember that ultimately, our reward is in heaven, and although we may not be rich here on earth, we are rich beyond measure if we have Christ as our Savior. It really comes down to what you focus your heart upon (Matthew 6:21).

The Perfect Gift

Today, I don't have a Bible verse or passage to write about. Today, I am just talking from the heart. I am just so blessed today, and it got me thinking.

Today is my Dad's birthday. For his birthday, me and two of my siblings gave him a ceiling fan. I was really excited to get it for him because he is hard to buy gifts for. But I knew this was a gift that he would want, that he will use, and that he would appreciate. That made me so happy! It is so wonderful to give someone a gift that you know they want, and that it's going to make them happy!!! There is no better feeling than the anticipation of having that special someone open a gift that is just perfect for them.

This got me thinking. It makes me wonder if God feels that way about the Gift He has given us. When He sent His Son, did He feel joy because He knew He gave us a gift that we so desperately need, that is so perfect? I think He did, even though it was a huge sacrifice for Him to do so. And when someone is coming to a point in his/her life where he/she is going to accept Christ as his/her Savior, does God get all excited, just like I did when my Dad opened his gift today? I am sure God does, and not only God, but all the heavenly hosts as well!

And when God sees His children living a life that pleases Him because of His Wonderful Gift, I believe He is overjoyed. He is elated because He knows that He gave us a new life in His Son. And His happiness must surpass anything we can imagine. It's a happiness that is a million times stronger than mine was when I gave that fan to my Dad. It has to be, because God is fathomless!

So, the next time you get excited to give that perfect gift to someone, because you just know it is exactly the right thing, remember that God gave you the Perfect Gift. He knows it is exactly what you need now and forever.

No doubt...

Yesterday, I was reading I John. The letter is supposed to be an encouragement to Christians about how they are solid in their faith in the face of false teachings, and how they have the assurance of being children of God. In reading this book, I have to confess, instead of encouraging me, it made me doubt myself and my faith a tad. Okay, it was more than just a tad. It disturbed me enough that I could not write yesterday. It made me question if I have the earmarks of being a true believer, which was very disconcerting to me because I want to be at true believer.

In I John, John lays out different ways that we can know and be assured that we are children of God. According to him, true believers stay in the Light, and do not walk in darkness. In addition, God's children do not love this world and the beliefs of this world. John goes on to talk about abiding in God, so that we can have confidence in our salvation and not be shamed at Christ's second coming. The one that smacked me the hardest is when John talks about how we are to be doers of the Word and not only hearers. John highlights this principle as being what will assure our heart before God that we are His. And lastly, John talks about how God's children have the Holy Spirit, and that in the giving of that Spirit, we can know that we abide in God and He in us.

So, why did this distress me so much? Mainly because I doubt myself and sometimes doubt God's love for me. I look at all the things that should be in my life to assure me of my faith, and sometimes I question whether those things are really present in my life. Do I shy away from the darkness? Am I a doer of the Word? Do I really feel the Spirit's presence in my life? Although I know that God recognizes I cannot be perfect in my present state, shouldn't I have more evidence of my relationship with God in my life? When I get like this and start doubting, my head starts to hurt, and I become fearful. I know I can't earn God's salvation, but I worry when I don't think I see the earmarks of faith in my life!

Today, I prayed and prayed for help, and because God is good, He gave it to me in the midst my struggles. He brought 3 verses in the Bible to my attention to calm my soul. The first verse is actually in I John 1:20. In this verse, John says that sometimes our heart condemns us because we are overly-sensitive, but that God is greater than our heart and knows where our hearts really are. That really comforted me because when I doubt, God doesn't. God knows me and knows where I am in my walk with Him. He knows where I need to be in my life, and He will lead me where I need to go. I just need to stop over-analyzing, and rely on God.

The second verse that God brought to my attention is in Jude 1:24. Jude proclaims that God is the One who can keep us from stumbling and make us stand in God's presence blameless and with great joy. Wow! Again, my soul is comforted to know that the Almighty cares enough to help me when I am stumbling around in my doubt. He doesn't want me to wander around in fear. He will take care of me, and will lead me in a way that will keep me from loosing my way. Thank you God!!

The last verse is one of my favorites. It is in Romans 8:26-27. It is the passage that speaks of the Holy Spirit's intercession for us when we are weak. It actually states that the Holy Spirit intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. With that kind of support, I can be assured that even when I am confused and in despair, that the Holy Spirit is speaking on my behalf to get me the things I need to lift me up out of my doubt. Truly amazing!

I praise God for answering my prayers and calming my worried heart! It really does show me that prayer and time spent in God's Word is really important. Yes, it made me question things, but it also answers those questions. Some might say that isn't worth it...if reading the Bible makes you question things, only to give you the answers, isn't it better to not read it at all and bypass that process? I say ABSOLUTELY NOT! Because through that process, my faith is increased. Hallelujah!

Real Change

The very thing I read today is something I am struggling with right now in my life. When I first started reading In 2 Peter, it caused me a lot of anxiety, at least until I explored it further. In 2 Peter 2:19b-22, Peter is admonishing those who had proclaimed Christ as their Savior, yet they were swayed back into their old ways. After reading this and looking at my own life, it made me fearful because how many times have I reverted back to my old life?

Peter talks about those who have turned away from the path of righteousness after knowing what that path is all about. He goes on to say how it would be better for them had they never known about The Way in the first place. This made me question: does this include when I slip up but return to God? Or are the people portrayed in this passage those who slipped and will never return back to God? Is it that they never really had a change of heart through the grace and mercy of God? Is it that I have never had a change in my heart?

I believe this passage is talking about those who never experienced a true change in their hearts through the work done on the Cross. God knows that believers will mess up. That is why He sent Jesus to die for us in our place. He knows we can't be perfect. In I John 1:9, it says that if we confess our sins, He (God) is faithful and righteous to forgive us and to cleanse us. So, I believe that the passage in 2 Peter is talking about those who truly don't have a repentant heart, and never really did. Even after seeing the Truth, they were easily lead astray by the false teachings of those opposed to the it.

Peter describes these people as though they are dogs returning to their vomit or sows who after being washed, returns to wallowing in the mud. Peter is saying that those who return to being enslaved to their sins are like animals. Animals can't really change what they are. They have instincts that can never be totally removed from their beings. You can train an animal, but left on it's own, even after training, it will revert to it's instinctual behaviors. That is because the training doesn't really change an animal, just like hearing the Truth didn't really change the people that Peter is talking about in this passage.

Recently I have been going though some tough stuff. It has been hard facing some of my life choices and recognizing the impact they are having on my in my life. I have "noticed" them before, but have conveniently ignored them and denied they were there. I wasn't ready to acknowledge them and do something about it. In the last several days, God allowed me to be in a position to really SEE what is wrong and to understand what I need to do. It has been humiliating, painful and difficult to go through. I have had to humble myself before God, repent, beg for His mercy and grace, and ask for His strength as He conducts REAL CHANGE in my life. All I can say is that after reading today's passage, I am grateful that God has brought me to this place. It shows me that he hasn't given up on me, and I see how much I want real change in my life.

I know that this process will be life-long. That is humbling, but it gives me hope because it shows me that I am going in the right direction. I guess its like that bumper sticker: "Don't give up on me yet, God's not done with me!" Thank you God!

Butterfly Sightings

Today, before I sat down to do my Bible reading for today, I went outside to the garden. I saw this beautiful yellow butterfly. It is amazing to see something so delicate and graceful. It made me so happy to see it in MY garden! I thanked God for such a wonderful gift from Him. It was so thoughtful for God to think of me in this way. Maybe that sounds strange, but I really see it that way.

Other people might have just took it as a random moment in their day, where a butterfly came into their garden by sheer happenstance. But the butterfly doesn't know what sheer pleasure it gave me by being there. And what about the timing? If I had gone out to the garden earlier or later, I would have missed it. But I believe that God knew how that butterfly would catch my attention and that it would make me happy. God knew exactly what moment I would be out there to see that fantastic creature, and that is why I thanked Him for such a special delight.

Then, when I went in to read, I came across I Peter 5:6-7. Peter is talking about how we need to humble ourselves before God, and that He will exalt us in due time. In addition, Peter encourages us to cast ALL of our anxieties on God because God CARES for us.

The "Butterfly Sighting" just shows me how much this passage is true, and how God really does care. When I read the words, "because He cares for you", it really touched my heart. God actually thinks about me, my needs, and my hopes; and He considers them and finds them important. Wow! That's amazing to me because He is GOD, Creator of the Universe and He cares about me. Who or what am I when compared to Him? Nothing, and yet He CARES ABOUT ME!

And seeing the butterfly really drove home the other part of today's reading, that is, the part about being humble. If I was full of myself in that moment, I most likely would have missed that tender moment. If I counted myself more important than I am, I would have missed the beauty of that butterfly, because I could have only seen myself.

In recognizing my smallness in comparison to God and to the world in general, I was able to take my eyes off of myself and see the butterfly, the gift from God. When I am humble I seem to recognize and appreciate the simpler pleasures in life. Those simpler pleasures bring a kind of contentment I can't find anywhere else.

In Phillipians 4:6-7, Paul is talking about that very thing too. He encourages us to be anxious for nothing and to pray to God. That means humbling ourselves before our Creator, and giving Him control. Although that can be scary and difficult, the outcome of doing that is a peace that passes all comprehension, and our hearts and minds will be guarded in Christ. Wow. I have to admit, that I have a lot of fears and anxieties now in my life. But I also have to admit that in that moment with that butterfly, I did feel peace and contentment, which God knows I needed. Amazing, isn't it?

Strong Message

Today I was reading James, and the message I got from my readings was a strong one. When I first read James 3:14;16, my first thoughts were about others I know who are struggling with bitter jealousy and selfish ambitions. However, after reading it several times, I found that I had to apply those words to myself as well. I am angry and selfish at times. I have been jealous. To think that those feelings keep me from the truth, hence, keeps me from being with Christ, resulting having difficulty relating to God. It seems crazy because I never thought the consequences of those feelings were so dire. I guess I should, because, any sin can interfere with our relationship with God so as to not be at the level we could be at with Him.

To know that my bitter jealousy and self ambition makes me a liar against the truth is scary. That's heavy duty stuff! Then, as I read on, I find out that selfish ambition can be translated as strife. I think this means that whenever I try to vindicate myself to make myself feel better, I am lying against the truth.

Geez! How many times have I had thoughts (that I confess I delighted in) of showing up those who have hurt me? I have had thoughts about seeing those people sometime in the future and being wealthy, more successful, in better shape, and/or happier. But that's not enough! In my rich fantasy life, not only am I amazing, but I want to rub their noses in it! Sometimes the urge to "show them" is so strong, but really, what purpose does it serve? In the end, even if it really did happen, nothing would be accomplished. It's just a way to make ME feel better. I guess that is why it is called "selfish ambition".

And bitter jealousy?? Where do I start? I have been envious over what others have. I have been jealous of the attention others received, and frustrated that my life isn't more like someone elses. Anyone else ever feel that way? Guess what? That only leads back to selfish ambition! Ugh! What a vicious cycle!

And what are the consequences of lying against the truth? According to James 3:16, disorder and every evil thing. I hate disorder! I even organize my sock drawer! And every evil thing? Now that's just plain frightening. Then I researched this concept even further and found out that jealousy and self ambition also lead to degrading passions, a depraved mind, unrighteousness, greed, deceit, and untrustworthiness to name a few from Romans 1:26-32.

You see, you have to remember that Jesus Christ is the Truth (John 14:6). And if we are lying against Him, then we are misguided and can't hear His voice. In that state, is it any wonder why we are miserable?

However, if you have the truth in your heart, there is a HUGE attitude adjustment. In Psalm 15:2-3, it says that the person who speaks the truth in his heart, doesn't slander (or speak wrongfully against) his neighbor (i.e. others), does not do any evil to his neighbor, and he doesn't take up reproach (e.g start fights) with his friends (I am going to include family and spouses in this).

So, you can either be miserable in your bitter jealousy and selfish ambition, OR you can let it go and rely on the Truth and be free (John 8: 36;32). The idea of getting rid of the bitterness and strife that weighs my heart down sounds wonderful.

But how do I let go of all this turmoil inside? Just when I started to get despondent about that, I read John 8:31-32 again, where Jesus says that if we continue in His Word, then we are His disciples, and we will know the truth, and the truth will set us free. Bottom line: Believe, read your Bible, and pray a lot!

Tempting

Now you can read the verse or passage I am talking about in my blogs by clicking on the passage reference to the left of the blog entry!

I decided to start reading the book of James in the New Testament. Right off the bat, James goes right to the heart. In James 1:2-4, he writes considering it joy when you encounter various kinds of trials. Ugh! For me, that is a hard pill to swallow. As I read this passage, and the corresponding notes for this passage at the bottom of the page, it seems that the word trials is closely associated with the word temptations. Ugh! Ugh!! If I substitute temptations for trials, it is an even harder pill to swallow!

I HATE temptations! And there are so many to choose from in today's world! We are constantly bombarded by things that can spark temptation for us! And doesn't it seem that we are all preconditioned to have a certain brands of temptation? You know, that one or several thing(s) that we are tempted by and sometimes succumb to over and over and over? It's like the movie Ground Hog Day for temptations. It's just a repetitious battle! For me, if you knew me personally, apparently it is men, or specifically, the type of men I am attracted to. I seem to fall for the same type of guy. There are differences, but in the end, it just seems I pick men who either can't commit, are afraid to commit, or aren't ready to commit. That is my temptation among others, and it seems that I will struggle with it until I finally resolve whatever issue is driving that temptation. Again, I say ugh!

People have all sorts of temptations or trials. It could be an addiction, a habit, an attitude, a behavior, or just a general disposition that is the problem. We all have that one (or several)thing(s) that we seem to gravitate to that we know isn't in our best interest. On top of that, whenever we mess up and give in to a temptation, that little voice in our head ridicules us to no end! Worst of all, if asked, we usually can't even explain the how's and why's! We just have a pattern that we reenact throughout our lives until we resolve the issue.

I think that is what James means by endurance. That is, endurance is the resolution of the issue that drives us to be tempted in some way. Think about it, when we as human beings have a pattern, especially one we are trying to break, we can really get down on ourselves when we mess up. We beat ourselves up. We beg God to forgive us, and we vow that we aren't going to do it again, and then BAM! We hit the wall again Take someone who is trying to quit smoking. When he/she breaks down and lights up, you would think that they just committed a homicide he/she is so guilt ridden! (I know, I have been there.) It's not until we figure out what is going on with us regarding our patterns and the issues behind them that we are able to start resisting. That is where we finally find endurance to keep ourselves out of those trials.

In James 1:4, James talks about letting endurance have it's perfect result so you can be perfect and complete. Translation: once you figure out your issues are and you use those resolutions to help you overcome temptation, you will start to be closer to perfect and more complete. Now we know we can never be perfect and complete as long as we are here on God's Green Earth in our human state. That just means that this temptation dilemma and finding resolutions to our issues is a life long process. I know...ugh!

There is hope though, in James 1:5-6, James explains to us that we can seek God's wisdom to help us with this process. There's only one catch...you have to ask in faith. Meaning, you have to believe God will give you the wisdom you need so that you can find resolution, and then endure.

So, I confess that I have some areas in my life that I need to figure out. I have been going to God, asking for His grace, mercy and wisdom, and reading His Word. I know this is a life-long process, but the results are promising, because in James 1:4, as we move forward in enduring, becoming perfected and complete, we will also lack nothing.