Loneliness

I confess that I am struggling with loneliness. Some moments are harder than others. I don't know how to combat that wave of despondency that broadsides me from time to time. However, it is no longer a constant state of being like it was a couple of weeks ago, and that encourages me.

What is interesting is that its not really a need for a person as much as it is a desire to have someone to share things and activities with in my life. It's not being able to do a lot of things that typically are done "together" with someone else. Its so awkward doing things alone. Like, going to a movie or out to dinner. Those things just seem to demand someone else being along in order to enjoy them. Maybe that is why the bar scene is so appealing to singles today. You can go by yourself if you must, and not really be alone, because everyone is just there for something to do to pass the time and to get away from the loneliness. Maybe that is why so many people stay in bad relationships, because they are so scared about being lonely.

Now, I don't believe you absolutely HAVE to have someone else in order to go to a movie or out to dinner. I have gone out to eat by myself to have a glass of wine and read a book. The problem is how others respond to it. The last time I went out to eat by myself, I could see the pity in the waitress' eyes as she said to me, "I wish I could be strong enough to go out to eat, have a glass a wine and read a book by myself! It looks so relaxing!"

I would like to believe that she meant that as a compliment. I would like to think she really meant what she said. However, her remark drove home about how going out by oneself is considered strange.

Now, I know this is MY issue. Perhaps there are plenty of people out there that don't have a problem going out by themselves to a movie or to dinner. So, I guess I am talking to the ones who share my feelings, you know who you are.

What I have been pondering lately is, is loneliness a state of mind or a state of being? I am starting to think it is truly a state of mind. Today, I read in I Corinthians 2:10, "For to us God revealed them, through the Spirit, for the Spirit searches all things, even the depths of God." Now, theologians will most likely say that I am taking this verse out of context. So be it. But when I read this verse, it gave me great comfort regarding loneliness. The reason being is because the Spirit searches all things, including us. What that means to me is that for the Spirit, this is constant, not just once and done. So, if that is true, and the Spirit is searching us, then he is always with us. And, if he is always with us, then we are not alone. Thus, loneliness is a state of mind, not the reality.

The beautiful thing about the Spirit searching us is that he also searches the depths of God. This is amazing to me because it means that we are connected to God in such an intimate way. When I think about how the Spirit knows us and Him through His searching, revealing, and interceding, I realize I can't be alone even if I want to be.

So let me tell you, since I have been contemplating these things, I realize that God knows when I am lonely. And recently, God has been giving me random people and opportunities so that I won't be. He introduced me to Rose, an 87 year old neighbor, who really needs a friend. He also recently introduced me to John and Nancy who live down the street. After talking with John about photography, he has invited me to try out some of the equipment he shares at a studio that he co-owns with another guy. Now that's some fantastic stuff!

I guess what Psalm 34:9 says is true. "O fear the LORD, you His saints; For to those who fear him, there is no want."