To be or not to be married

Today's writing is of particular difficulty for me because it focuses on an issue that I grapple with often. Although I am single, I have the desire to be in a relationship, and possibly one day to be married. I have argued with God over this desire for my life, and I often wonder why I continue to be single. Sometimes I get scared that God just wants me to be single, which seems to be in direct conflict with what I want. I am not sure why the Spirit has lead me to write about this today, but there must be some purpose for it. I asked for another passage to write about, but I got nothing, so here it goes.

The passage I read today can be found in I Corinthian 7. It is Paul's instruction to married people and to single individuals. It is not an easy passage for me to read as a potentially life long single.

There reason this was/is hard for me to read is because Paul encourages those who are single to remain so if they can (vs.8&9). This is such a struggle for me, because I don't really want to be single. In addition, I wonder if I am strong enough to be single. I confess that I am afraid of the future if I remain single. What happens after my parents are gone? They have been such a support and comfort to me. Will I have anyone in my life? My siblings all have their own families. Who will I turn to for help? Who will I talk to about anything and everything? Where will I find intimacy?

So, every time I come to these crossroads, the place where I know I need to freely give this desire to God, and put it in his hands, I feel great anxiety. I am afraid that if I give Him this desire, then He may choose singleness for me. Now, I know, there is just as much of a chance that he will bless me with a wonderful relationship. However it is the fear of the unknown that causes me to hold onto this desire with both hands. Although, I have to admit that whenever I have tried to fulfill this desire, I haven't done a great job of it, rendering me STILL SINGLE anyway!

And what is there to gain should I give this desire to God? A lot actually. In I Corinthians 7:32, Paul explains that in singleness we are free to focus on God and receive all the blessings that go along with drawing near to Him.

I have seen this in my life actually. When I haven't been in a relationship, I tend to read my Bible and pray more. Consequently, I feel more at peace and quite content in my life. I remember distinctly, one time when I was in a relationship, I told my friend, Judi, that I felt that I was being pulled in two different directions. On one hand, I wanted to spend time with my boyfriend and focus on all things him, but on the other hand, I knew I needed to read my Bible and spend time with God. The more time I spent with my boyfriend (which I really enjoyed doing), the less time I focused on my faith. I just felt so off balance.

So, in many respects, being single isn't so bad. I do feel more at peace as I spend more time with God. I do feel balanced. I look forward to growing spiritually and drawing closer to the Creator of Everything. Things are a lot less complicated. I see my married friends trying to manage their hectic lives, and I wonder when do they have time to sit down and relax let alone spend time with God?

Despite that, I confess that there are still many times I am envious of them. I still WANT that complication! It has to be worth it! Too many people are willing to take on married life for it not to have SOME benefits, right? Fortunately, Paul states that marriage is fine, but that the married person will be divided (vs.34). I believe he means that a married person has to juggle meeting the needs of his/her spouse, while at the same time serving and drawing close to God. How does a husband or wife decide who comes first? From what I gather, this is no small or easy task.

What that tells me is how important it is to be with someone who believes like you do. Balancing faith and home is hard enough, but to be with someone who doesn't share your faith has to be even harder. If they don't understand what and why you believe what you do, are they really going to encourage you in your faith? Is he/she going to give you the time you need to grow in your faith? I am thinking not. At least if you are with someone who shares your faith, both of you can encourage one another to grow and mature spiritually. Maybe you can even spend time doing that together! Bonus!

My heart goes out to those who are married or who are with someone who doesn't believe the way they do. It has to be hard to continue cultivating a relationship with God when there is no or little support at home or in a relationship to do that. I can only imagine how frustrating it is to try to resolve conflicts and deal with situations if both people in the relationship don't have the same values. I can understand how sometimes, the believer gives up on his or her faith because they just can't sustain it when there are so many roadblocks to spending time doing the things that strengthen faith. I just pray that they continue on in their faith despite the hurdles, knowing God will bless their persistence.

With all that said and done, I still don't know what plans God has for me, especially in regards to my marital status. Every day, sometimes even several times a day, I have to hand that desire over to God. I know He will take care of me no matter which path He has me take.

Psalm 3:3, "But You, O LORD are a shield about me, My glory and the One who lifts my head." With words from God like that, why AM I so concerned about the future?